The Eternal SAF
People at work don’t know what to say about the fact that I’m a 35-year-old single woman. Â Single Asian Female. Â SAF. Â They don’t know what to say and sometimes they don’t know how to act around me.
I think I’m an enigma to a lot of people. Â I look like I’m in my 20’s but I’m actually in my mid-30’s.
Some people, at first, started treating and talking to me a certain way. Â Then, when they found out how old I am, synapses were activated and gears shifted and people were baffled.
Yeah. Â I get it. Â Women my age in my company are more senior and they have children around the age or 7 or 8 years old. Â I’m a career changer. Â I’m late to the game.
Today, a manager (not one of my direct managers) told me he was doing yard work over the long holiday weekend and the conversation goes a little something like this:
Manager: Â You’ll never have a house.
Me: Â What do you mean?
Manager: Â I mean, you don’t want one.
Me: Â Why do you say that?
Manager: Â It’s just not you.
Me: Â Oh, you think I’m more like a condo kind of person?
Manager: Â Yeah, I guess. Â You don’t want a house.
Me: Â Why do you say that? Â You think I’m a city kind of person?
Manager: Â Yeah. You’re not going to have a family or anything. Â You don’t need a house.
Me: Â You think so? Â I actually really love children.
Manager: Â That doesn’t matter. Â You can love children and not want a family.
Me: Â What makes you think I don’t want a family? Â How do you know I’m even single?
Manager: Â Oh, come on! Â It’s just not you. Â You don’t even have a boyfriend.
Me: Â How do you even know?
Manager:  Because you never say anything about him and you are never in a rush to get out.  You have a ton of time on your hands.  (So what if I’ve planned many happy  hours??)
I tried to stay mysterious about whether or not I have a boyfriend so I brushed off the conversation at the time and we talked about some other things.
I came home after work and had a glass of wine. Â I was in tears.
Could he be right? Â Is he completely wrong? Â Is this what people think of me? Â Is this what I want people to think of me?
I don’t know.
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